I was supposed to start writing those lines on new year's eve (actually much before than, but new year's, so round, so symbolic). I had the cliché lines all ready; "as the ball goes down on the over crowded time square... bla bla bla". unfortunately being a potato couch has its own demands, and that specific night it was loosing the timing in favor of something better and more appealing in the form of Conan O'brian.

Yep, that's how I opened 2002, by falling asleep in front of America's sexiest & funniest.

But I've been planning 2 write this for quite sometime now. The new year's would have been great, because this column is all about summering the passing year & analyzing the NY phenomenon In relation to Tel-Aviv, the lovely city where I'm from.

Tel-Aviv - NY.

TANY.

So...

I got here about a year & a half ago. The transition was very hard. Everything seemed different and uninviting. Even though the western urban surroundings seem to be somehow identical, or at list related, everything was different. The people, the working environment, the lack of citizenship & working permits, the mentality, the culture. It was hard for me to find myself in all of this.

I was never the very social type. I get along with people easily, but I am very careful in choosing my friends, and at first I was quite lonely.

One aspect of the loneliness I felt, came from the difference in nightlife mentality.

Tel-Aviv, despite of being quite a small city, in a country in which life are far from being peaceful and quiet, has a lot of nightlife activity, & the clubbing scene there is very strong and highly developed. Even over developed, because at a curtain point there was too much of a foreign-DJ-import, too much people, too much of over crowded and over charged wild parties. About the time I left there I was starting to get enough of the scene I have been a part of in the last few years, it seemed to have gotten out of proportion and out of control. But there is a curtain comfort that the nightlife offer, and its the comfort of fast interaction with people, sexual atmosphere, quick thrills & immediate gratification. I'm not just talking about one night stands and casual sex, I'm talking about the whole scene (who's partly based on those cheap sensations). I'm talking about the thrill of going to a good party, with great music and a good crowd that creates a good, happy, & sexually charged atmosphere. Those kind of events, when are really good, can create such a high, such an extreme feeling of happiness and liberation, that is hardly that accessible in everyday life and routine. This is immediate gratification. Instant happiness. Quick thrill. And when the daily routine is not a very satisfying one, active nightlife can create an excellent compensation.

So naturally when I came here, and things were so weird, and I didn't have my visa yet, and didn't know what would happen and how things would turn out, I was trying to find comfort in the night scene.

But the NY scene is very different.

Parties, even though they had excellent music, had a boring crowd most of the time.
In Tel Aviv people would react to music freely, intuitively, by jumping around & dancing like crazy. I guess we had a lot to unburden and forget, a lot to escape from. Here, In most parties, people would just move politely from side to side, or gently move their ass. And if that wasn't bad enough, they had to close the twilo, the only really active big club in the City.
Bars & lounges were full of beautiful people, who mostly cared about what they look like and if they could get laid, or coced up, or I don't know what, and no one gave a fuck about the music or about having fun or being just a little bit wild. It was all like being in a bad Hollywood movie.

I didn't get it. I couldn't relate. I knew there was something different. NY is so big, It has so many people, I knew there were other scenes, and other people who care less about the bullshit, and want the music and the vibe. But I couldn't find them, and just felt alienation.

Until the electroclash mini-festival.

Fischersooner

I listen to electronic music. Mostly house (at home), and Techno (at clubs). This summer I discovered the new Electro, or New New Wave or whatever they call this kind of 80's music that's being created right now & has the beat of this faster electronic decade. It's half retro half new, & its cool, especially cause I wasn't around in the 80's. I mean, I was, but in the form of a super geek who never went out to those horrible places that played New Wave dark electronica with black wearing black make up eyes punks. I was busier developing my immature inner world that consisted of a lot of books and terrible imported American television. It was only during my army service that I started to develop my gogo girl persona, but by that time the 80's were over & the electronic dance era had begun. And I liked it.
So now when the 80's are back, with a techno polish, I enjoy it a lot. It seems even better than the first round.

Anyway, I think it was in October when the Electroclash festival was taking place around town, and there were several events with some really cool music, and really cool people, and most of all, Fischerspooner.

Fischerspooner do the same 80's - Electro type of music, but they also do a live show. It's not the usual live show a musical group would do, it's more like a cabaret act. They dress up and show off, and kinda toy with the crowd and with the whole performance.

I didn't really know who they were when I saw them, but apparently the whole audience did, & I later discovered that they have been performing quite a lot for quite some time (they started out performing in Startbucks. Starbucks for fuck's sake! now how cool is that? I thought it was fuckin' brilliant), and had very good reviews in a lot of art type magazines. But at that event I didn't know all of that & was standing a bit far from the stage, and was also very tired and very drunk, so I didn't give them my full attention. However, I did like them, and when I got their CD, I completely fell for them. I was listening to the CD everyday, going around town with my CD player hoping to come across Casey Spooner, the lead male singer with the super sexy voice, & fuck he's brains out while he groans in my ears, just like he does on the CD...

After 2 weeks I finally got noxious from the constant playing and gave the CD up.

But the damage has already been done. I found my NY niche.

This group, that started out as a tiny act, probably included people not much different from myself (or so I'd like to think), probably living in the east village, broke, working in their not so glamorous daily jobs 2 pay rent. I was utterly jealous for the balls to get up and start their own cabaret act, and be so fuckin' creative, but also totally inspired.

Because, this is one of those things that can probably only happen in NY. The small underground art kind of stuff hardly exists in Tel Aviv, and even if it does, there is hardly any room to grow, or enough audience to create a big enough buzz. I mean, this was the underground NY art and life that everybody was talking about, and I liked it. And Just that turn in thoughts, without even doing anything real, changed everything. It helped me look at the city in kinder eyes, find my own night spots like the east village bars & passerby in Chelsea, and it created space and motivation for my own creativity.

I started feeling at home.

Resolutions

When I first got here, it was the places I missed in Tel-Aviv, and not so much the people. It was the familiar scenery, the small streets and old houses, the daily routines. Now that I have my own path in this city, It's the people I miss and not the bullshit around.

Being abroad for a long period of time makes you clarify who are the people that are really important to you and who were just periodic friends. I often feel bad for not being there for my close friends and family, or not seeing what they are going through. I feel like in many ways I've neglected them, but the guilt is not yet strong enough to return.

I still have a lot to do in this town. I still feel the need to recreate myself here, to redefine myself.

Distance allows you to do that, much better than anything else.

So this year I want to make & save a little money. I want to do creative work that will finally be acknowledged. I wanna feel adrenaline pumpin', I wanna feel extremely motivated. I want to live free without family and any other obligation for just a little longer, before I settle down completely.

I can do that here.

And I will.